Some may think I had it easy -- that it was usually me who would turn guys down, or end things with them after dating.
If only I was some heartless bitch.
If only I didn't care too much.
But it's heartbreaking to break the heart of someone.
To tell him that it won't work out between the two of us.
To tell him that I wasn't in love with him.
It's crossed my mind that I wish I could love him the way he deserved. But what do we both deserve anyway? It doesn't mean that I am better than him, or he is better than me. We were just not suited for each other. We weren't meant to be.
But not loving doesn't mean not caring. I care about him so much.
And I'm not saying that because I feel guilty for anything. I'm not guilty, because I was just being honest. I tried to make it work with him. But what's the use of dragging on something that wasn't working out?
I wish I could call him now to ask him how he is. I wish I could know how his day went. I wish he knows that despite everything else I want to be a friend to him. I wish he knows how grateful I am to him for treating me so well. I wish I could tell him what an amazing man he is.
Hopefully in time we could be friends.
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