Muting the Sound of Settling

After letting go of the last guy, I've learned to accept the fact a week or two after. Since we were just seeing each other for just a few months, it didn't take that long.

It was also nice that he messaged me a week after. Who knows, maybe he was just feeling lonely. As for me, it would be nice to remain friends.

He called me this morning, and it turns out he's done a lot of thinking. I don't know if he misses me or again, was just feeling lonely, but he was listing down the things he liked about the two of us. How he enjoyed our vacation, and how he knows he can trust me, and how comfortable he was with me. He even said there were some times that he had strong feelings for me.

Okay.

I could say the same things -- most of it. I did enjoy the trip, and I am comfortable with him, and I am confident I can trust him. And as for having strong feelings for him, I did get attached to him after the trip. But I still couldn't get myself to like him more than that. After all this time.

I felt like I adjusted to him more than he had to adjust to me.

I felt like he doesn't desire me, and that he just likes me for the comfort I give him.

I felt like the relationship fast-forwarded and skipped that weeks/months of romance.

Admittedly, I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm not that unrealistic though. I'm not expecting fairy tales or romance novels. I just want the feeling of being pursued and being assured that he wants me.

For a while though, I thought that I should stick with him, because I was thinking maybe I wouldn't find another guy who would be that honest to me. But that would be settling, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us. And being with him would require A LOT of changes for me since it would require me to move 6,000-8,000 miles to be with him. Then there's our different religions.

I couldn't even get myself to compromise those until I know I love him.

But I can say now that I don't.

I know love can be developed, but the way we're corresponding now, I'm not sure how that could happen.

But if he is realizing now that he misses me, and if he wants me, then he can pursue me. And who knows, maybe that was just what was missing.

But I've decided that I won't settle for someone just because we just like each other and get along well enough. The hopeless romantic in me is still looking for love.