switch

So I went out with guy five times and I was reminding myself that he wasn't my type physically. But somehow his personality made me agree to go with him these times (And mind you, each date lasted six hours on average). And I was partially just flattered that he openly said that he liked me. I knew I didn't like him as much, but I wanted to explore the possibility that I might learn to like him too.

It was on the sixth date that he brought me to such a romantic restaurant, and it was under the warm white light that it was like something switched on inside me, and I realized that there was something in him.

This prodded me to watch again Josh Radnor's movie "happythankyoumoreplease". I watched this a few years back and suddenly wanted to watch it again since I knew I could relate to it.

There was one particular scene when Malin Akerman's role Annie was on a date with a guy from her office that wasn't her usual type. Here was the conversation:

Annie: Sam, we need to talk.
Sam: You mean the talk where you tell me how great I am, but you can get involved. And it's not me, it's you. And you're damaged and you wish you could. I refuse to have that talk.
Annie: Sam, I'm not good for you.
(pause)
Sam: Are you happy?
Annie: No. I'm not happy. 
Sam: I can make you happy. Seriously, let me love you. I'm totally up to the task. Actually I've already started. 
(Annie attempts to leave)
Sam: No, no, no. Don't leave before it even started. Look at me. I get it, I'm not the guy you had in mind. What if you don't know what's best for you.
Annie: And you do?
Sam: I believe I do.
Annie: Where did you come from Sam?
Sam: Weschester. Do you know why I hang out in the fifth floor. First time I saw you I thought Wow! Her! The girl with the funny head wrap. I want to be near that girl! Trust me, I don't normally talk this way but I'm gone over you.
Annie: Stop, shut the fuck up. 
Sam: Why? You can hear this. Close your eyes.
Annie: Why?
Sam: I just want you to listen to me. Humor me please.
(Annie closes eyes)
Sam: It's not easy to be a dork. You in particular, you have a tougher time with it than most. I get that. But I want you to give it a try. Think of it as an experiment. I promise I will be very wonderful in adoring you. It's an area where I think I got a great deal of talent. You're worth that adoration, Annie. You're worth it. And the fact that you don't believe it has nothing to do whether it's true or not. It is true for me. And that is all that matters. 
(Annie opens eyes and suddenly sees a different guy in front of her)

Then Malin/Annie calls Josh Radnor and tells him this:

Annie: You know how people say beauty's on the inside? Well that's total bullshit. Beauty's on the outside! I'm listening to Sam. Listening.  Because he had me close my eyes. So hot! As he's talking it's like the molecules on his face must have rearranged themselves because I open my eyes and suddenly I am in front of the most beautiful, gorgeous man. Here is what I have to say to you: Sadness be gone, let's be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy, cause we are worthy.

This could be it. I don't know. But amazing, isn't it? How these things just click and blows you over instantly. Wow.

Head vs Heart

The age-old question is still left unanswered. I know it's a case-to-case basis. There are times it's better to use the head; sometimes we're told to follow our hearts. Or maybe there can be a balance. But it's just one of those times that I am confused and don't know what it should be. I'm trying to find that balance but haven't found it yet. I just pray that I find the answers soon and make the right decisions.

The Story of My Life

Mr. San Francisco suddenly messaged me. Turns out he is back in town for a month. He asked me if I wanted to share a meal with him (he could sound so formal sometimes). Of course I agreed. But this time, I no longer had expectations. It's too strong to say I've been burnt by him before, but I guess I kind of get the impression he just wants a friend, and nothing more. If he was interested me as more than a friend, he would have kept in touch.

So we had dinner. And I mean literally just that. two hours of food and conversation. No invite for after-dinner drinks or coffee. Conversation is still easy with him. He's a nice guy.

I am interested to get to know him more, but he isn't giving me the chance.

He said we could see each other again before he leaves. I don't want to hope.

I mentioned I MIGHT go to San Francisco for a couple of days next month. (he was the one who asked me when I was going back). He said he wants to bring me around. Guess he was just being friendly.

He said I am his one and only Tinder meet-up. Or so he says. But this was after I told him I met with one guy after him. (Oh wait, were there three? My bad!) He had the chance to kind of come clean. I DID say i met with one guy. What's wrong if he admitted he met up with someone too? So I guess he was being honest.

He also said he might not meet up with any other friends during this trip. Or he was just saying that.

So again will just go with the flow with him and not have any expectations.

But here's the thing. There's this other guy who's really interested in me, and actually flew back to Manila for me. It's overwhelming and flattering, but so far I haven't felt any chemistry with him. But I'm heeding others' advice to get to know a person first. Sometimes it happens later on. So that's what I'm trying.

I have this guy who's interested in me. Then there's this guy I'm interested in but doesn't seem to be as into me.

The story of my life.