Guy #1 keeps on asking me out. Even when I already blatantly say no and tell him to ask out someone else.
Guy #2 traveled for 2 hours each way to meet me and help me with my thesis.
But their efforts are wasted on me. When I'm pining over a guy who isn't interested in me. I'm so pathetic that whenever I see my crush online in Facebook chat I just stare at his name -- willing him to message me to no avail -- until he goes offline.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
bad news
The two bad news I received yesterday are extreme in terms of seriousness. But nevertheless they still both tugged my heart.
On the more shallow side, the guy I've been crushing on is dating someone. And I saw it with my own eyes. They went to the same event I went too. I saw them holding hands. I saw him touching her face. It made me feel so embarrassed for being so naive in thinking he was interested in me that time. I met the girl. She seems pretty nice. (The funny thing was I was thinking we had some physical similarities. So why couldn't he notice me??) But it was a wake up call from my 3-week daydream.
Then on a much more serious note, the friend I wrote about has finally passed away. The silver lining is he doesn't have to suffer anymore -- his family too. Even if I only knew him for a short time, I'm glad to have known him. For the relatively short life he lived, he has touched hundreds of people's lives. Even some kids from camp know him. How many people could have that many people would have that out-pour of support and love?
On the more shallow side, the guy I've been crushing on is dating someone. And I saw it with my own eyes. They went to the same event I went too. I saw them holding hands. I saw him touching her face. It made me feel so embarrassed for being so naive in thinking he was interested in me that time. I met the girl. She seems pretty nice. (The funny thing was I was thinking we had some physical similarities. So why couldn't he notice me??) But it was a wake up call from my 3-week daydream.
Then on a much more serious note, the friend I wrote about has finally passed away. The silver lining is he doesn't have to suffer anymore -- his family too. Even if I only knew him for a short time, I'm glad to have known him. For the relatively short life he lived, he has touched hundreds of people's lives. Even some kids from camp know him. How many people could have that many people would have that out-pour of support and love?
Saturday, March 16, 2013
prayers for an old friend
I met him three years back when I was still hanging out with this group of people. He was very charming and amiable. He would invite me to parties and most of the time I would refuse.
I would see him online and we would chat. I got to know him more when he asked for help in the restaurant he was putting up for his jamaican patties chain. I then saw he was a responsible businessman. I saw the serious side of him aside from the party boy I first met. We went out once but I wasn't interested in him that way.
We somehow drifted apart over the past couple of years. I saw him New Year's Day in an awfully crowded bar and I wasn't able to say hi. He did message me in Facebook a few days after to catch up a bit. That was my last correspondence with him.
Now he's in a coma due to aneurysm. It's so sudden. But there's an out-pour of well wishes from all these people whose lives he's touched. He's really special and he deserves a miracle. I really pray he gets well soon.
The world hasn't had enough of him yet.
I would see him online and we would chat. I got to know him more when he asked for help in the restaurant he was putting up for his jamaican patties chain. I then saw he was a responsible businessman. I saw the serious side of him aside from the party boy I first met. We went out once but I wasn't interested in him that way.
We somehow drifted apart over the past couple of years. I saw him New Year's Day in an awfully crowded bar and I wasn't able to say hi. He did message me in Facebook a few days after to catch up a bit. That was my last correspondence with him.
Now he's in a coma due to aneurysm. It's so sudden. But there's an out-pour of well wishes from all these people whose lives he's touched. He's really special and he deserves a miracle. I really pray he gets well soon.
The world hasn't had enough of him yet.
Dobler/Dahmer
According to the How I Met Your Mother Wiki:
"If both people are into each other, then a big romantic gesture works: Dobler; but if one person isn't into the other, the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy: Dahmer."
I had a realization last night. I totally misread the guy's actions as interest. He was just being friendly. I read things into it because I wanted it to have meaning. I was interested in him and hoped the gestures actually meant something.
Some other guy tried those same gestures last night and I was thinking he was moving too fast. But that was because I wasn't interested in him.
Sometimes our emotions totally bias our thinking. Maybe I should learn to be a bit more disconnected sometimes to spare me any hurt.
"If both people are into each other, then a big romantic gesture works: Dobler; but if one person isn't into the other, the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy: Dahmer."
I had a realization last night. I totally misread the guy's actions as interest. He was just being friendly. I read things into it because I wanted it to have meaning. I was interested in him and hoped the gestures actually meant something.
Some other guy tried those same gestures last night and I was thinking he was moving too fast. But that was because I wasn't interested in him.
Sometimes our emotions totally bias our thinking. Maybe I should learn to be a bit more disconnected sometimes to spare me any hurt.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Six Degrees of Separation
I've never been in a relationship, but I've experienced semi heartbreaks. If I already took those badly, I wonder how I would handle a full-blown one.
I admit I over-think things. So I probably set myself up to get hurt. My latest semi-heartbreak hurt both my pride and my heart.
I didn't even see it coming. I met someone I thought was interested in me. I was infatuated. My over-thinking mind started hoping this could be it. After a year of dealing with frogs, this might just be the prince I've been waiting for.
I was over the moon. I was grinning like crazy. Every love song felt applicable.
But I didn't hear from him for a few days and I started to doubt. Until for a couple of days I felt depressed. My hope was piqued a couple of times. Then I mentally got mad at him for playing me. Then I practically gave up and convinced myself that I might as well let go and move on.
Until I see a picture of him with some girl. Who knows who she is to him. It took me another week to recover.
Everything happened in just a couple of weeks. I was asking myself if I would want to do it over again. I've got mixed feelings about it. But I've learned a couple lessons on the way. And I've learned to love myself a bit more. So I'll just chalk it up to experience. I'll be ready for my real prince.
I admit I over-think things. So I probably set myself up to get hurt. My latest semi-heartbreak hurt both my pride and my heart.
I didn't even see it coming. I met someone I thought was interested in me. I was infatuated. My over-thinking mind started hoping this could be it. After a year of dealing with frogs, this might just be the prince I've been waiting for.
I was over the moon. I was grinning like crazy. Every love song felt applicable.
But I didn't hear from him for a few days and I started to doubt. Until for a couple of days I felt depressed. My hope was piqued a couple of times. Then I mentally got mad at him for playing me. Then I practically gave up and convinced myself that I might as well let go and move on.
Until I see a picture of him with some girl. Who knows who she is to him. It took me another week to recover.
Everything happened in just a couple of weeks. I was asking myself if I would want to do it over again. I've got mixed feelings about it. But I've learned a couple lessons on the way. And I've learned to love myself a bit more. So I'll just chalk it up to experience. I'll be ready for my real prince.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Leveling Up
I had a talk with an old high school friend based in New York, and she's joined online dating sites with the hopes of meeting people.
She made an observation that people tend to level up when it comes to seeking out people. She's been getting invitations from odd people, while she herself has been messaging blue-eyed hotties.
I don't know if there's any scientific study about this, but I realize that her observations hold true for me as well. The guys who have been showing interest for the past 12 months I really couldn't see more than a friend. Some of them are also pretty questionable in character or sanity (just kidding!).
But then I also think about the guys I actually liked and I realized that my weakness are for cute guys who turn out to be players. I don't like to think that the only cute guys who would actually like me are only players, but maybe I should learn to be less gullible.
I hope it won't be long till I find the guy who will be just the right fit for me.
She made an observation that people tend to level up when it comes to seeking out people. She's been getting invitations from odd people, while she herself has been messaging blue-eyed hotties.
I don't know if there's any scientific study about this, but I realize that her observations hold true for me as well. The guys who have been showing interest for the past 12 months I really couldn't see more than a friend. Some of them are also pretty questionable in character or sanity (just kidding!).
But then I also think about the guys I actually liked and I realized that my weakness are for cute guys who turn out to be players. I don't like to think that the only cute guys who would actually like me are only players, but maybe I should learn to be less gullible.
I hope it won't be long till I find the guy who will be just the right fit for me.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
So the Game Has Changed
Getting a guy's point of view totally changes things.
All the while I thought I gave enough signal that I was interested in him. Then my good guy friend tells me it's not.
So just in case any of you are in the same situation, here are some of my friend's advice:
I THOUGHT: The guy has the power to make the first move; the girl has the power to give the go or stop signal.
HE SAID: It's the other way around.
I THOUGHT: Guys would easily ask the girl out once the girl has given off enough feelers.
HE SAID: No we guys are that dumb.
I THOUGHT: Girls overthink.
HE SAID: Guys overthink too. We wonder if the girl is being nice, a tease or into us. So we don't know which way to go after.
I THOUGHT: Guys would add the girl he's interested in.
HE SAID: Guys don't search Facebook. If they do search they won't add since they would come out stalker-ish.
I THOUGHT: The guy's gonna lose interest if the girl doesn't give enough clue.
HE SAID: No, guys want to build suspense too.
Then there's the touch barrier test which apparently is quite universal:
If he has touched you on your back, here are the three conclusions:
1. Too low - for fun
2. Too high - as friends
3. In the middle - chemistry!
This has given me some hope. Hope it would help someone out there too :)
All the while I thought I gave enough signal that I was interested in him. Then my good guy friend tells me it's not.
So just in case any of you are in the same situation, here are some of my friend's advice:
I THOUGHT: The guy has the power to make the first move; the girl has the power to give the go or stop signal.
HE SAID: It's the other way around.
I THOUGHT: Guys would easily ask the girl out once the girl has given off enough feelers.
HE SAID: No we guys are that dumb.
I THOUGHT: Girls overthink.
HE SAID: Guys overthink too. We wonder if the girl is being nice, a tease or into us. So we don't know which way to go after.
I THOUGHT: Guys would add the girl he's interested in.
HE SAID: Guys don't search Facebook. If they do search they won't add since they would come out stalker-ish.
I THOUGHT: The guy's gonna lose interest if the girl doesn't give enough clue.
HE SAID: No, guys want to build suspense too.
Then there's the touch barrier test which apparently is quite universal:
If he has touched you on your back, here are the three conclusions:
1. Too low - for fun
2. Too high - as friends
3. In the middle - chemistry!
This has given me some hope. Hope it would help someone out there too :)
Friday, March 1, 2013
RUSH
Sometimes I forget the title of my blog. That I should just go with the flow and not rush things. I should work on my patience and just let go. Some things are just worth waiting for. If they're gone by the time you're ready for them, then they're just not worth it.
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