As part of my desire to try new things (since forever -- okay maybe not), I tried staffing for a local children's summer camp last year. Since I enjoyed it immensely, I volunteered to staff for this year's camp again.
As someone who was deprived from joining such activities when I was a kid, staffing for camp has totally broadened my view of what I can do with my life. Enjoying my second camp experience, my colleagues told me I should try staffing for international camp. Since they opened the application for next year's series of international camps, I jumped at the opportunity. If they get me, great! If not, then I'll just continue with volunteering for local camps.
My contact ((Guy #1) scheduled my interview. 5:30pm in Starbucks. He said I will be meeting him, Guy #2 an Girl #1. Okay.
The thing is when I know that any meeting would be I plan ahead what I would order. I don't want anything that would be hard to drink, hard to eat, that would give me black teeth or anything that would get stuck between my teeth.
But at 5:15pm Guy #1 texted me that we weren't meeting in Starbucks since it was crowded. We will meet in Stella, a tapas place, instead. Crap. There goes my preparations.
When I arrived, it was only Guy #1 and Girl #1 so far. Guy #1 is a friend of my sister's so we had stuff to talk about. Girl #1 was pretty nice, and with the few questions she threw at me, she liked my answers.
Sample question:
Girl #1: What's your favorite drink?
Me: Amaretto Sour.
Yes, the interview was like that. It was more of a getting to know you, and the interviewers were just around my age.
Guy #2 arrives 15 minutes late and that's where it started. I can't remember anyone intimidating that way. He didn't help the situation too.
When he arrived, there was a moment of awkwardness when I wasn't sure if he wanted to shake hands or not. (I shook hands with Girl #1). We ended up shaking hands. He's not your usual definition of attractive. He had that rugged look in him (I found out later on he was a musician) but since it was a weeknight he was dressed in his corporate clothes. He had longish hair and skin that wasn't perfect. But there was something about him.
I later thought he was just really awkward. He was asking me questions but he seemed pretty out of it. Like he would start a question then stop midway and say he lost his thoughts. I blamed it on being late and not being mentally prepared.
It turns out we went to the same university -- one of the universities known for activists. At one point he said, "We are from the happiest school!" I just looked at him oddly. "I said our school isn't happy; it's angry." At least Guy #1 and Girl #1 laughed.
What was most embarrassing was at one point I realized I didn't put my phones on silent. One of the phones I carry -- I carry three phones, don't ask me why -- was on loud. It started ringing. I scrambled to look for it in my bag. But my bag was being its usual black hole and I couldn't find it. It was embarrassing enough, but I felt like Guy #2 was watching me and looking into my bag!
I knew they had another interviewee at 6pm. But by that time the second interview hasn't arrived. So I just stayed put to continue chatting with them -- or trying to. The three of them had history so of course I was a bit out of place.
Our table was right by the shopfront so I saw the next interviewee arrived. I recognized her since she also staffed for the camp this year. Since I was the one facing the glass window, I announced her arrival. So I stood up to say goodbye, then accidentally dropped the table napkin that was on my lap. Embarrassing.
I left with mixed emotions.
It might just be a small fraction of what Anastacia Steele felt when she met Christian Grey, but I couldn't help but remember that scene when I had to endure that experience.
[ Postscript: I saw him a week later in the camp's Christmas party. We shook hands. But it was still awkward.]
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Breaking and Entering
It was a year before yesterday that our house was broken into and some of our valuables were stolen. And it might just be the first time I'm writing about it.
So the bulk of the items taken were mine -- a couple laptops, a digital camera, a few thousand pesos, and a cellphone. Those were just mine.
But it wasn't the act of losing those stuff that affected me. It was the idea that strangers entered our house without us knowing. We were all sleeping and our doors were unlocked! Thank God we were all safe and it was more than a blessing that none of us woke up or the situation could have gotten worse. But I would be lying that for a week weeks/months I was scared to go out, scared to come home early in the morning, scared as I sleep. I was slightly traumatized but things are better no.
We've lived in the house for more than 30 years now and this has never happened. We live right next to the guard house of the subdivision gate and for a second we blamed their lack of security or their negligence. But it was more of a wake up call that we have to be more alert and actively secure our place whenever we sleep or go out.
So the bulk of the items taken were mine -- a couple laptops, a digital camera, a few thousand pesos, and a cellphone. Those were just mine.
But it wasn't the act of losing those stuff that affected me. It was the idea that strangers entered our house without us knowing. We were all sleeping and our doors were unlocked! Thank God we were all safe and it was more than a blessing that none of us woke up or the situation could have gotten worse. But I would be lying that for a week weeks/months I was scared to go out, scared to come home early in the morning, scared as I sleep. I was slightly traumatized but things are better no.
We've lived in the house for more than 30 years now and this has never happened. We live right next to the guard house of the subdivision gate and for a second we blamed their lack of security or their negligence. But it was more of a wake up call that we have to be more alert and actively secure our place whenever we sleep or go out.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Optimism vs Realism
I'm usually a glass-half-full kind of girl. I've always mouthed positive cliches to my friends whenever they were down. Not that I've ever been down myself. I have, several times, but I learned to look at the bright side of things. And it has worked out well for me.
But this thing about my being single -- I've been positive most of the time. I tell myself that hey, I'm 32 years old. I'm not bad-looking. I'm smart and I don't think I have an awful personality. I've been telling myself over the years that my time will come.
But there are a few instances I've had my doubts. I could hope and pray and be optimistic. But what if it's God's plan for me to be single forever? My priest friend semi-scolded me and said I should remain optimistic. But up to what point can you be optimistic? Should I leave some room in my heart to be okay if I turn out to be alone?
If I should always be optimistic, I can't expect to pray I win the lottery and be positive I'm going to win. So should I limit my hopes?
Or is my analogy all skewed?
But this thing about my being single -- I've been positive most of the time. I tell myself that hey, I'm 32 years old. I'm not bad-looking. I'm smart and I don't think I have an awful personality. I've been telling myself over the years that my time will come.
But there are a few instances I've had my doubts. I could hope and pray and be optimistic. But what if it's God's plan for me to be single forever? My priest friend semi-scolded me and said I should remain optimistic. But up to what point can you be optimistic? Should I leave some room in my heart to be okay if I turn out to be alone?
If I should always be optimistic, I can't expect to pray I win the lottery and be positive I'm going to win. So should I limit my hopes?
Or is my analogy all skewed?
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
"Emotional Fire"
I chanced upon this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
I'm sure the writer was just writing out of his experience. I don't think he was saying there's a universal law for people NOT to look for that "emotional fire".
I'm 32 years old and still single. I'm not ugly. I'm pretty smart. Friends could say that I don't have a bad personality. I don't think I'm intimidating. If a guy was intimidated and didn't take initiative, he wouldn't have been worthy anyway.
For some people my age they may already be looking for someone to settle down with. Anyone who was ready to settle with them.
As for me, I don't feel desperate. Guys have asked me out for the past months. I've gone out with some of them -- some alone, some as a group. Some of there looked okay on paper. They would almost fit the bill... but I didn't feel that "emotional fire" with them. At some points I was second guessing myself, wondering, "What if no one else comes along?" What if I let them pass and regret it later on? But in the end I went back to my stand.
I'm not looking for a Prince Charming. I'm not looking for a hero. I'm just looking for compatibility. For comfort. I want to fall in love. Is that asking for too much?
I told my friend even at my age I would rather stay single than settle for just about anyone. If no one comes, I won't have regrets. I would just continue falling in love with life. There's more to it than a civil status.
I'm sure the writer was just writing out of his experience. I don't think he was saying there's a universal law for people NOT to look for that "emotional fire".
I'm 32 years old and still single. I'm not ugly. I'm pretty smart. Friends could say that I don't have a bad personality. I don't think I'm intimidating. If a guy was intimidated and didn't take initiative, he wouldn't have been worthy anyway.
For some people my age they may already be looking for someone to settle down with. Anyone who was ready to settle with them.
As for me, I don't feel desperate. Guys have asked me out for the past months. I've gone out with some of them -- some alone, some as a group. Some of there looked okay on paper. They would almost fit the bill... but I didn't feel that "emotional fire" with them. At some points I was second guessing myself, wondering, "What if no one else comes along?" What if I let them pass and regret it later on? But in the end I went back to my stand.
I'm not looking for a Prince Charming. I'm not looking for a hero. I'm just looking for compatibility. For comfort. I want to fall in love. Is that asking for too much?
I told my friend even at my age I would rather stay single than settle for just about anyone. If no one comes, I won't have regrets. I would just continue falling in love with life. There's more to it than a civil status.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
She Looks Like You
A guy flirts with you one night.
You flirt back.
You thought he was going to call you after.
But he doesn't.
You then see him a couple weeks later with a date -- a girl that looks like you. Are you supposed to feel flattered? Offended?
Would you feel sad why he can't just pick you instead?
You flirt back.
You thought he was going to call you after.
But he doesn't.
You then see him a couple weeks later with a date -- a girl that looks like you. Are you supposed to feel flattered? Offended?
Would you feel sad why he can't just pick you instead?
Monday, April 1, 2013
not so jaded anymore
When our house got robbed November and when my mom's phone got snatched from her bag in the mall last week, I've been quite jaded. After 30 years of pretty much being safe, suddenly there was a bit of paranoia, fear, and trauma. That my safe bubble has been burst.
Sunday my dad accidentally left his tablet in the comfort room in the mall. He came back for it soon enough and it was gone. My sisters and I were quite pessimistic and was telling him not to expect to get it back. But I was still praying to Saint Anthony that we could get it back.
And indeed the following day when I was about ready to buy my dad a new one, the guy who found it contacted us. He works in the maintenance of a serviced apartment near the mall. We set to meet that day for my dad to get it back.
It's comforting to know that there are still good people out there. And prayers really get answered. Really hope the love and honesty go around.
Sunday my dad accidentally left his tablet in the comfort room in the mall. He came back for it soon enough and it was gone. My sisters and I were quite pessimistic and was telling him not to expect to get it back. But I was still praying to Saint Anthony that we could get it back.
And indeed the following day when I was about ready to buy my dad a new one, the guy who found it contacted us. He works in the maintenance of a serviced apartment near the mall. We set to meet that day for my dad to get it back.
It's comforting to know that there are still good people out there. And prayers really get answered. Really hope the love and honesty go around.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Pathetic
Guy #1 keeps on asking me out. Even when I already blatantly say no and tell him to ask out someone else.
Guy #2 traveled for 2 hours each way to meet me and help me with my thesis.
But their efforts are wasted on me. When I'm pining over a guy who isn't interested in me. I'm so pathetic that whenever I see my crush online in Facebook chat I just stare at his name -- willing him to message me to no avail -- until he goes offline.
Guy #2 traveled for 2 hours each way to meet me and help me with my thesis.
But their efforts are wasted on me. When I'm pining over a guy who isn't interested in me. I'm so pathetic that whenever I see my crush online in Facebook chat I just stare at his name -- willing him to message me to no avail -- until he goes offline.
Monday, March 18, 2013
bad news
The two bad news I received yesterday are extreme in terms of seriousness. But nevertheless they still both tugged my heart.
On the more shallow side, the guy I've been crushing on is dating someone. And I saw it with my own eyes. They went to the same event I went too. I saw them holding hands. I saw him touching her face. It made me feel so embarrassed for being so naive in thinking he was interested in me that time. I met the girl. She seems pretty nice. (The funny thing was I was thinking we had some physical similarities. So why couldn't he notice me??) But it was a wake up call from my 3-week daydream.
Then on a much more serious note, the friend I wrote about has finally passed away. The silver lining is he doesn't have to suffer anymore -- his family too. Even if I only knew him for a short time, I'm glad to have known him. For the relatively short life he lived, he has touched hundreds of people's lives. Even some kids from camp know him. How many people could have that many people would have that out-pour of support and love?
On the more shallow side, the guy I've been crushing on is dating someone. And I saw it with my own eyes. They went to the same event I went too. I saw them holding hands. I saw him touching her face. It made me feel so embarrassed for being so naive in thinking he was interested in me that time. I met the girl. She seems pretty nice. (The funny thing was I was thinking we had some physical similarities. So why couldn't he notice me??) But it was a wake up call from my 3-week daydream.
Then on a much more serious note, the friend I wrote about has finally passed away. The silver lining is he doesn't have to suffer anymore -- his family too. Even if I only knew him for a short time, I'm glad to have known him. For the relatively short life he lived, he has touched hundreds of people's lives. Even some kids from camp know him. How many people could have that many people would have that out-pour of support and love?
Saturday, March 16, 2013
prayers for an old friend
I met him three years back when I was still hanging out with this group of people. He was very charming and amiable. He would invite me to parties and most of the time I would refuse.
I would see him online and we would chat. I got to know him more when he asked for help in the restaurant he was putting up for his jamaican patties chain. I then saw he was a responsible businessman. I saw the serious side of him aside from the party boy I first met. We went out once but I wasn't interested in him that way.
We somehow drifted apart over the past couple of years. I saw him New Year's Day in an awfully crowded bar and I wasn't able to say hi. He did message me in Facebook a few days after to catch up a bit. That was my last correspondence with him.
Now he's in a coma due to aneurysm. It's so sudden. But there's an out-pour of well wishes from all these people whose lives he's touched. He's really special and he deserves a miracle. I really pray he gets well soon.
The world hasn't had enough of him yet.
I would see him online and we would chat. I got to know him more when he asked for help in the restaurant he was putting up for his jamaican patties chain. I then saw he was a responsible businessman. I saw the serious side of him aside from the party boy I first met. We went out once but I wasn't interested in him that way.
We somehow drifted apart over the past couple of years. I saw him New Year's Day in an awfully crowded bar and I wasn't able to say hi. He did message me in Facebook a few days after to catch up a bit. That was my last correspondence with him.
Now he's in a coma due to aneurysm. It's so sudden. But there's an out-pour of well wishes from all these people whose lives he's touched. He's really special and he deserves a miracle. I really pray he gets well soon.
The world hasn't had enough of him yet.
Dobler/Dahmer
According to the How I Met Your Mother Wiki:
"If both people are into each other, then a big romantic gesture works: Dobler; but if one person isn't into the other, the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy: Dahmer."
I had a realization last night. I totally misread the guy's actions as interest. He was just being friendly. I read things into it because I wanted it to have meaning. I was interested in him and hoped the gestures actually meant something.
Some other guy tried those same gestures last night and I was thinking he was moving too fast. But that was because I wasn't interested in him.
Sometimes our emotions totally bias our thinking. Maybe I should learn to be a bit more disconnected sometimes to spare me any hurt.
"If both people are into each other, then a big romantic gesture works: Dobler; but if one person isn't into the other, the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy: Dahmer."
I had a realization last night. I totally misread the guy's actions as interest. He was just being friendly. I read things into it because I wanted it to have meaning. I was interested in him and hoped the gestures actually meant something.
Some other guy tried those same gestures last night and I was thinking he was moving too fast. But that was because I wasn't interested in him.
Sometimes our emotions totally bias our thinking. Maybe I should learn to be a bit more disconnected sometimes to spare me any hurt.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Six Degrees of Separation
I've never been in a relationship, but I've experienced semi heartbreaks. If I already took those badly, I wonder how I would handle a full-blown one.
I admit I over-think things. So I probably set myself up to get hurt. My latest semi-heartbreak hurt both my pride and my heart.
I didn't even see it coming. I met someone I thought was interested in me. I was infatuated. My over-thinking mind started hoping this could be it. After a year of dealing with frogs, this might just be the prince I've been waiting for.
I was over the moon. I was grinning like crazy. Every love song felt applicable.
But I didn't hear from him for a few days and I started to doubt. Until for a couple of days I felt depressed. My hope was piqued a couple of times. Then I mentally got mad at him for playing me. Then I practically gave up and convinced myself that I might as well let go and move on.
Until I see a picture of him with some girl. Who knows who she is to him. It took me another week to recover.
Everything happened in just a couple of weeks. I was asking myself if I would want to do it over again. I've got mixed feelings about it. But I've learned a couple lessons on the way. And I've learned to love myself a bit more. So I'll just chalk it up to experience. I'll be ready for my real prince.
I admit I over-think things. So I probably set myself up to get hurt. My latest semi-heartbreak hurt both my pride and my heart.
I didn't even see it coming. I met someone I thought was interested in me. I was infatuated. My over-thinking mind started hoping this could be it. After a year of dealing with frogs, this might just be the prince I've been waiting for.
I was over the moon. I was grinning like crazy. Every love song felt applicable.
But I didn't hear from him for a few days and I started to doubt. Until for a couple of days I felt depressed. My hope was piqued a couple of times. Then I mentally got mad at him for playing me. Then I practically gave up and convinced myself that I might as well let go and move on.
Until I see a picture of him with some girl. Who knows who she is to him. It took me another week to recover.
Everything happened in just a couple of weeks. I was asking myself if I would want to do it over again. I've got mixed feelings about it. But I've learned a couple lessons on the way. And I've learned to love myself a bit more. So I'll just chalk it up to experience. I'll be ready for my real prince.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Leveling Up
I had a talk with an old high school friend based in New York, and she's joined online dating sites with the hopes of meeting people.
She made an observation that people tend to level up when it comes to seeking out people. She's been getting invitations from odd people, while she herself has been messaging blue-eyed hotties.
I don't know if there's any scientific study about this, but I realize that her observations hold true for me as well. The guys who have been showing interest for the past 12 months I really couldn't see more than a friend. Some of them are also pretty questionable in character or sanity (just kidding!).
But then I also think about the guys I actually liked and I realized that my weakness are for cute guys who turn out to be players. I don't like to think that the only cute guys who would actually like me are only players, but maybe I should learn to be less gullible.
I hope it won't be long till I find the guy who will be just the right fit for me.
She made an observation that people tend to level up when it comes to seeking out people. She's been getting invitations from odd people, while she herself has been messaging blue-eyed hotties.
I don't know if there's any scientific study about this, but I realize that her observations hold true for me as well. The guys who have been showing interest for the past 12 months I really couldn't see more than a friend. Some of them are also pretty questionable in character or sanity (just kidding!).
But then I also think about the guys I actually liked and I realized that my weakness are for cute guys who turn out to be players. I don't like to think that the only cute guys who would actually like me are only players, but maybe I should learn to be less gullible.
I hope it won't be long till I find the guy who will be just the right fit for me.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
So the Game Has Changed
Getting a guy's point of view totally changes things.
All the while I thought I gave enough signal that I was interested in him. Then my good guy friend tells me it's not.
So just in case any of you are in the same situation, here are some of my friend's advice:
I THOUGHT: The guy has the power to make the first move; the girl has the power to give the go or stop signal.
HE SAID: It's the other way around.
I THOUGHT: Guys would easily ask the girl out once the girl has given off enough feelers.
HE SAID: No we guys are that dumb.
I THOUGHT: Girls overthink.
HE SAID: Guys overthink too. We wonder if the girl is being nice, a tease or into us. So we don't know which way to go after.
I THOUGHT: Guys would add the girl he's interested in.
HE SAID: Guys don't search Facebook. If they do search they won't add since they would come out stalker-ish.
I THOUGHT: The guy's gonna lose interest if the girl doesn't give enough clue.
HE SAID: No, guys want to build suspense too.
Then there's the touch barrier test which apparently is quite universal:
If he has touched you on your back, here are the three conclusions:
1. Too low - for fun
2. Too high - as friends
3. In the middle - chemistry!
This has given me some hope. Hope it would help someone out there too :)
All the while I thought I gave enough signal that I was interested in him. Then my good guy friend tells me it's not.
So just in case any of you are in the same situation, here are some of my friend's advice:
I THOUGHT: The guy has the power to make the first move; the girl has the power to give the go or stop signal.
HE SAID: It's the other way around.
I THOUGHT: Guys would easily ask the girl out once the girl has given off enough feelers.
HE SAID: No we guys are that dumb.
I THOUGHT: Girls overthink.
HE SAID: Guys overthink too. We wonder if the girl is being nice, a tease or into us. So we don't know which way to go after.
I THOUGHT: Guys would add the girl he's interested in.
HE SAID: Guys don't search Facebook. If they do search they won't add since they would come out stalker-ish.
I THOUGHT: The guy's gonna lose interest if the girl doesn't give enough clue.
HE SAID: No, guys want to build suspense too.
Then there's the touch barrier test which apparently is quite universal:
If he has touched you on your back, here are the three conclusions:
1. Too low - for fun
2. Too high - as friends
3. In the middle - chemistry!
This has given me some hope. Hope it would help someone out there too :)
Friday, March 1, 2013
RUSH
Sometimes I forget the title of my blog. That I should just go with the flow and not rush things. I should work on my patience and just let go. Some things are just worth waiting for. If they're gone by the time you're ready for them, then they're just not worth it.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Turnaround
I prettty much had a crappy day yesterday. Things were just not going well. A project got cut short (goodbye final payment) and I made an error that cost me a bit of money.
But something might have happened last night that may have possibly made the day a whole lot brighter. I don't want to give too much detail since I don't want to jinx anything. And I hope I'm not hoping too much. But a girl can dream right?
But something might have happened last night that may have possibly made the day a whole lot brighter. I don't want to give too much detail since I don't want to jinx anything. And I hope I'm not hoping too much. But a girl can dream right?
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