Letting Go

I dated a guy for three months and we tried the long distance thing for two out of those months. He was 8,000 miles away and I was willing to try it because I thought I was so used to being on my own -- having someone thousands of miles away should be fine. I will have my own time as I am used to, and I wouldn't have someone breathing down my neck all the time.

How naive of me to think it would work out that way.

The short exchanges of messages in a day just didn't seem enough, until I felt he wasn't giving me enough time and effort.

When did I turn into one of those needy women?

Let me back up a bit. So we met end of December when he was in town to go diving. We had dinner the night before he was about to leave for another country in Asia. I guess we got along enough that he decided he wanted to go back. He booked a flight back the followmg week. I have to admit it was overwhelming that he would want to come back for ME after just one meeting. But of course it was also flattering and thrilling.

We went out when he came back and when it was time for him to leave again I got sad. I knew I liked him, but I wasn't sure if I liked him enough to ask for anything. But he said "i'm not sad because I know we will see each other again."

We corresponded since then, when he was back home in the US. We would message him everyday until I found out I was going to fly to the US end of February. I waited for a week or two to tell him -- I waited till I was sure I wanted to see him again.

And when I told him he said that we had to see each other. He had me extend my trip so we can meet where I would be. And so I did. I knew I wanted to see if there could be something between us. If fate was giving us a chance to see each other again, who was I to ignore it?

So we traveled for a little over a week together on March. I got to know him a whole lot. I got more comfortable with him but something was still holding me back. He was a REALLY good guy and I knew I could trust him. But by the end of the trip, I still wasn't sure. I wished I knew what I was feeling. I wished I could say I fell in love with him over the trip, but I didn't. I also could't end things then because I liked him and cared about him -- maybe I just needed more time to get to know him.

We continued corresponding after. The first week was hard because we were both still hungover from the time we spent together. But afterwards when maybe the magic spell was gone, things were starting to get a bit routine. The messages and the phone calles weren't enough and I was getting frustrted because I didn't see in progress in our relationship.

I had to talk to him a few times to discuss but things couln't get clearer.

Until I decided it wasn't working out.

So I spoke to him and aired my thoughts and we established we needed time apart. And despite my hesitance about the whole relationship, it was heartbreaking for me. He was a good man -- not perfect but he has some great qualities that I wish were enough for me to love him.

Maybe time and geography just weren't on our side.

If we were really meant not to be together then I really hope he find that someone soon and I could definitely say that girl would be very lucky to have him.