Being Friends with Your Ex

I've read that people advise against this. I personally think it's a case-to-case basis.

If your relationship with your former SO was built on a foundation of honesty, maturity and pleasant experiences, it is highly possible you could actually become friends afterwards.

I know there are guys who are all-or-nothing -- it's either you become their girl or a stranger. That goes to show their maturity level, right?

I was praying that I could still be friends with my former SO, and I think my prayers were answered. I wanted to stay friends with him because I sincerely care about him. He was a really good guy, I just wasn't so into him romantically. It was also the same for him -- that was one of the reasons I stopped trying, since what was the point?

We still talk, and seem to be on the same page about things. We listen to each others' stories and give advise to each other. We respect and motivate each other. We even candidly talk about our former relationship and try to learn from it.

It's almost funny actually, but we somehow seem to be at peace.

Maybe we just met at the wrong time. Who knows maybe later on we could give it another try. But if we really aren't meant to be, it's okay too.

Muting the Sound of Settling

After letting go of the last guy, I've learned to accept the fact a week or two after. Since we were just seeing each other for just a few months, it didn't take that long.

It was also nice that he messaged me a week after. Who knows, maybe he was just feeling lonely. As for me, it would be nice to remain friends.

He called me this morning, and it turns out he's done a lot of thinking. I don't know if he misses me or again, was just feeling lonely, but he was listing down the things he liked about the two of us. How he enjoyed our vacation, and how he knows he can trust me, and how comfortable he was with me. He even said there were some times that he had strong feelings for me.

Okay.

I could say the same things -- most of it. I did enjoy the trip, and I am comfortable with him, and I am confident I can trust him. And as for having strong feelings for him, I did get attached to him after the trip. But I still couldn't get myself to like him more than that. After all this time.

I felt like I adjusted to him more than he had to adjust to me.

I felt like he doesn't desire me, and that he just likes me for the comfort I give him.

I felt like the relationship fast-forwarded and skipped that weeks/months of romance.

Admittedly, I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm not that unrealistic though. I'm not expecting fairy tales or romance novels. I just want the feeling of being pursued and being assured that he wants me.

For a while though, I thought that I should stick with him, because I was thinking maybe I wouldn't find another guy who would be that honest to me. But that would be settling, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us. And being with him would require A LOT of changes for me since it would require me to move 6,000-8,000 miles to be with him. Then there's our different religions.

I couldn't even get myself to compromise those until I know I love him.

But I can say now that I don't.

I know love can be developed, but the way we're corresponding now, I'm not sure how that could happen.

But if he is realizing now that he misses me, and if he wants me, then he can pursue me. And who knows, maybe that was just what was missing.

But I've decided that I won't settle for someone just because we just like each other and get along well enough. The hopeless romantic in me is still looking for love.

Changes

I read posts from my blog seven and so years ago and I realized how some of my thinking has changed. I was a bit more optimistic then. I generally still am, but I could seriously sense the bounce of the words as I read some old posts.

I then realized that I have become a bit jaded over the years.

Life got to me.

And I know I'm really blessed. In most cases I was granted the major things I prayed for. But I've come to realize also that life could be hard, and yes there are times that you just really can't get anything you want.

I know it's all in the mindset, and that to be happy is a choice. I should remind myself that regularly and maybe I wouldn't doubt or worry as much.

Achievement Unlocked

I've always enjoyed writing fiction. I started when I was still in grade school and continued doing so until the present when I had some free time.

Writing is my avenue for my wild imagination -- I take over-thinking to the extreme. When things happen to me, I think of alternative scenarios.

It's always been in my bucket list to write a book. And finally, I did just that. I self-published a book and put it up on Kindle. And it's so satisfying to see some people buying it. The book is the first of a two-part series. Each book is independent of each other -- I don't like trapping people into buying the next book just to know the conclusion of the previous one.

I already have the second book for pre-order and I was so happy to see a few people pre-order the second one already. Weeee! It means they like the first book enough to look forward to the next.

I'm no bestseller novel. I'm not even dreaming of selling a lot. I write the way I blog -- straightforward and simple -- I just like telling stories that would evoke emotions to the readers.

It's a simple fulfillment, but I know now I can cross that off my bucket list!

Can We Still Be Friends?

I went out with this guy a few times and I felt the instant chemistry. Or maybe I just got it confused with sexual tension.

But we weren't just flirting. We talked about our interests, our immediate goals in life, our families, and some more.  He was smart. We had similar backgrounds. I was having a connection with this guy.

I thought it was already the spark I was looking for -- the one that was missing from the previous guy (see previous posts).

That's why it felt natural to kiss him by the second date.

Then on the third date -- bam --  he reveals he was still legally married and had two kids. He was separated and assured his wife wasn't chasing him.

That brought me out of the bubble. He must have sensed the change in me because we changed the topic to more trivial stuff. It was a pity really since we had good conversations. I asked him if we could at least be friends, and I told him that I shouldn't kiss him anymore. I didn't need any additional baggage right now.

But his response revealed that friendship wasn't enough for him since he knew we were attracted to each other. How naive I was to think he would be fine to stay as friends.

I knew I wasn't up for acting on that attraction.

It was nice knowing you then.

The Heartbreak of the Heartbreaker

Some may think I had it easy -- that it was usually me who would turn guys down, or end things with them after dating.

If only I was some heartless bitch.

If only I didn't care too much.

But it's heartbreaking to break the heart of someone.

To tell him that it won't work out between the two of us.

To tell him that I wasn't in love with him.

It's crossed my mind that I wish I could love him the way he deserved. But what do we both deserve anyway? It doesn't mean that I am better than him, or he is better than me. We were just not suited for each other. We weren't meant to be.

But not loving doesn't mean not caring. I care about him so much.

And I'm not saying that because I feel guilty for anything. I'm not guilty, because I was just being honest. I tried to make it work with him. But what's the use of dragging on something that wasn't working out?

I wish I could call him now to ask him how he is. I wish I could know how his day went. I wish he knows that despite everything else I want to be a friend to him. I wish he knows how grateful I am to him for treating me so well. I wish I could tell him what an amazing man he is.

Hopefully in time we could be friends.

Letting Go

I dated a guy for three months and we tried the long distance thing for two out of those months. He was 8,000 miles away and I was willing to try it because I thought I was so used to being on my own -- having someone thousands of miles away should be fine. I will have my own time as I am used to, and I wouldn't have someone breathing down my neck all the time.

How naive of me to think it would work out that way.

The short exchanges of messages in a day just didn't seem enough, until I felt he wasn't giving me enough time and effort.

When did I turn into one of those needy women?

Let me back up a bit. So we met end of December when he was in town to go diving. We had dinner the night before he was about to leave for another country in Asia. I guess we got along enough that he decided he wanted to go back. He booked a flight back the followmg week. I have to admit it was overwhelming that he would want to come back for ME after just one meeting. But of course it was also flattering and thrilling.

We went out when he came back and when it was time for him to leave again I got sad. I knew I liked him, but I wasn't sure if I liked him enough to ask for anything. But he said "i'm not sad because I know we will see each other again."

We corresponded since then, when he was back home in the US. We would message him everyday until I found out I was going to fly to the US end of February. I waited for a week or two to tell him -- I waited till I was sure I wanted to see him again.

And when I told him he said that we had to see each other. He had me extend my trip so we can meet where I would be. And so I did. I knew I wanted to see if there could be something between us. If fate was giving us a chance to see each other again, who was I to ignore it?

So we traveled for a little over a week together on March. I got to know him a whole lot. I got more comfortable with him but something was still holding me back. He was a REALLY good guy and I knew I could trust him. But by the end of the trip, I still wasn't sure. I wished I knew what I was feeling. I wished I could say I fell in love with him over the trip, but I didn't. I also could't end things then because I liked him and cared about him -- maybe I just needed more time to get to know him.

We continued corresponding after. The first week was hard because we were both still hungover from the time we spent together. But afterwards when maybe the magic spell was gone, things were starting to get a bit routine. The messages and the phone calles weren't enough and I was getting frustrted because I didn't see in progress in our relationship.

I had to talk to him a few times to discuss but things couln't get clearer.

Until I decided it wasn't working out.

So I spoke to him and aired my thoughts and we established we needed time apart. And despite my hesitance about the whole relationship, it was heartbreaking for me. He was a good man -- not perfect but he has some great qualities that I wish were enough for me to love him.

Maybe time and geography just weren't on our side.

If we were really meant not to be together then I really hope he find that someone soon and I could definitely say that girl would be very lucky to have him.