Again.

It happened again. I was chatting with a guy I met on Tinder for a little over a week and unintentionally an image of him formed in my head.

I knew he wasn't perfect. I already got hints from chatting with him that he was a bit chatty -- the opposite of what usually happens since I usually dominate the conversations with the other guys. I knew he was a serious guy -- a bit intense -- and opinionated.

I liked though that he was a bit old-fashioned and was very honest.

So after days of chatting with him, we planned to meet.

He was actually very tall and handsome -- probably better than in his photos. But when it went down to the conversation -- he totally dominated it. He talked a lot about himself and his life. And in the awkward lulls that he had the opportunity to ask me questions about myself, he didn't take it. So I ended up asking him more questions about him, and the cycle started again.

I attempted to start talking about things about myself but he didn't seem interested.

Then he even mentioned about the girl he chatted with on Tinder the previous night!

I really tried to see the good in him. He does have some good qualities. He was a gentleman. He was driven. He was smart.

But when it came to the party of the night that he asked me, "If I ask you, would you go out with me again?"

I was in between answering "Why Not?" -- to try to live a bit more adventurously -- and a "Maybe?" but I ended up saying the latter.

He said, "I could take that the wrong way and just move on."

So I simply replied, "It's your choice."

So I'm pretty sure I won't hear from him again.

Wait

The problem when I kind of like a guy is that I easily get pulled in, which isn't a good thing, since I start building things in my brain.

I did enjoy the first date. I did enjoy the text messages we exchanged since then.

But for self-preservation's sake, I should remind myself that:

1. He didn't ask to see me again before he left for the US.
2. It takes him a while to respond to my messages, even when he starts it.
3. He's far away.
4. He's not my usual type.

I force myself NOT to message him first. And I've still been checking Tinder. And I'm just trying to look forward to some events later this month that could make me possibly see an old crush or two, who I hope are still single.

He has sent some messages since he got back to the US, but I guess the time difference isn't very ideal and the conversations haven't been so substantial. I know I should be patient, but what am I waiting for?

I just need to stop being fixed on Mr. San Francisco and just go on with my life.

Maybe

I didn't hear from him the day after we met up. But he texted me the second day, saying one of the friends he met up with the previous night knew my sister. This made me slightly happy because it meant he talked about me (I hope he said good things). That guy who knew my sister is the brother of someone I went to Prom with. Haha. What a small world.

Then he also said his sister had already spoken to me a few years back inquiring about the business. So he also spoke about me to his family.

(Okay, I'm grinning now.)

I seriously wanted to meet with him again before he left, but he didn't bring it up, so I didn't push it since i assumed he needed the time to meet up with friends and spend time with his family.

We exchanged text messages but I had to hold back a bit, because his intervals were taking much longer than mine. I didn't want to seem to eager, but of course also not discourage him. He said he was not feeling well due to all the activities. So the following day I asked him if he was feeling better. We texted some during that day, but I really still wasn't sure if he was interested or just riding along.

He would say things like "We're kindred spirits", "Where have you been all my life?", "we're stuck together like glue", or "We'll get along just fine".  But maybe he's just saying those things. He's into sales, so I'm worried he just knows how to talk, and I'm just getting sucked in.

So he's leaving tonight and flying back to San Francisco. I forced myself not to text him and wait for him to be the one to text first. Good thing today was pretty busy so I managed (almost) not to get tempted.

It was already 8pm -- his flight is at 10:30 -- and I haven't heard from him so I was almost getting hopeless. But just a little after I mentioned it to my friend that I was a bit sad, he sends me a message, saying he was on his way to the airport, and that he will connect with me via Whatsapp when he gets to SF.

So I'll just see how it goes. I won't expect or hope -- I'll try my best. And well, I'll also try to continue meeting guys on and off Tinder. Life goes on :)

Almost

I didn't check Tinder for more than a couple of months because of my disappointment in the quality of the guys in it lately.

But I was bored one night this week and I decided to check it. Obviously I haven't been in it for quite a long time since even after an hour, I wasn't done browsing through all the photos of those within my range.

I "liked" some photos and even made a few matches. There was one guy I didn't particularly find cute siince he was Chinese, but his profile got my attention. He sounded like he had a good personality and it was a bonus he said he was from San Francisco. I came from SFo a couple months back for the very first time and I fell in love with the place. I still dream about going back soon. So "liking" his photo was my thirst to connect with anything related to that beautiful city.

We were a match and he was the first to message. His message was cute and I couldn't resist to reply. He already asked if we could meet and I said I wanted to get to know a little about him first.

We chatted online for an hour and I enjoyed it. He was funny, which was really important to me, so I readily agreed to meet him the following evening.

We originally decided to meet at 7:30pm, but due to an errand I had to run, I had him move the time to 8pm and to another place (but was still close enough to the original one). He was a sport enough to agree.

It was the few minutes before actually meeting him that I got nervous. For one, I wasn't really attracted to his photos. Second, meeting a person for the first time is always nerve-wracking.

But when I finally saw him in person, I was pleasantly surprised to find out he looked better than he did on his pictures (which is pretty rare since people usually post their BEST photos).

His choice to what to get was a bit odd though. Apparently he was craving for buko shake. I assumed since he was just visiting the Philippines, he didn't get enough of buko juice or shake in the US. So we spent an hour walking around the mall drinking our buko shake, and it was pretty interesting. We didn't run out of things to talk about. We discovered common things about us -- coming from conservative families and being "late bloomers", among other things.

We spent the next hour having ice cream to talk some more -- this time seated. I learned he was very family-oriented, which was a big plus for me. And I haven't asked him directly, but there was a large chance he was Catholic.

There were signs that he wanted to keep in touch. He mentioned that he wanted his sister to contact me for some pastries they could order for Christmas. And he also mentioned about their house which they might have renovated.

Or maybe he was just saying those things.

But only two hours after we met, he hinted it might be time to go home. I was a bit surprised, because I still wanted to talk. He was leaving Monday, and I wanted to get to know him some more.

Maybe he was tired.

Or maybe he was just being a gentleman and didn't want to keep me out late.

Or maybe he just wasn't so into me.

Being the girl that I am, I started thinking back to our conversation if I said something that would turn him off. He did say I was beautiful. But maybe it was because I admitted to him that he was already the fourth guy I met through Tinder. (I was his first). Or maybe it was because when he asked me if I wanted to have kids, I said I didn't know yet.

When we were walking to my car, I deliberated if I would be bold and ask him if he still had time to meet up again before he leaves. But of course I chickened out.

He didn't mention also any chance of meeting again. He just said he will contact me via Whatsapp when he's back in the US.

When I got home, I did what I usually did to my friends. I texted him to say that I was already home, just to let him know I was safe, not really thinking if he cared. He did text that he was glad we met up, and even kidded that I will always be his first. I kidded back and said, "I might have ruined it for the next ones." I realized after sending it that there were several interpretations to what I said. What I actually wanted to hint in it was that he wouldn't be able to meet anyone like me anymore. And that anyone else he would meet wouldn't be close. Arrogant, I know, but it was a joke, and I wanted him to realize that I was worth seeing again.

But I guess he interpreted it another way. He just said "Yeah I am traumatized", with a smiley face.

I just said "Damage has been done", realizing later on that there was a ring of truth in it.

He didn't reply again, which saddened me a bit.

But the ball's in his court. I did try, so I have nothing to regret.

If I never hear from him again, it's just good enough to know that there are still decent eligible guys out there. I shouldn't lose hope yet.

Tinder Lessons

After being in Tinder for over a month now, I met someone in person for the first time last night.

Here's a rundown of how it went.

We just became a match Sunday evening, and we started corresponding then. We seemed to have gotten along well enough, since we had things in common. He was only in town for the week so we decided to meet up before he leaves. So we met up last night. He isn't the one (not because I'm THAT picky, but I'd rather not go on detail why I know he isn't it.). I know I may have earned a new friend though.

Here are few things I learned from my first Tinder eyeball (is that what you would call it?):
1. Obvious thing is to tell a friend or two the name of the person you're meeting, where and what time you're meeting. Always be careful. I didn't have problems with that though since I instinctively knew the guy was legit. (You'll know by the way you chat)
2. As soon as you THINK you've hit it off with someone, schedule a meet-up ASAP. Why? Because if you prolong chatting with him via Tinder or Whatsapp, you build an image of him in your head that's not how he actually is in person.
3. Some people have other reasons to join tinder -- I see a number of people who are obviously married and have kids and still join it; some just want a good time. But I'm sure majority are still in it mainly to find potential partners. Hey, if you meet-up and he isn't the one, there's nothing wrong with making new friends :)

Priorities

I went for an interview Saturday afternoon for the international camp I wanted to volunteer for.

One of the case scenarios they gave me sounded like this:

"Your activity was about to start when the fellow camp staffer you've been crushing on, Rodrigo, approaches you to talk to you. Then around the same time, one of your kids come running and says the other kid is in the bathroom and isn't feeling well. Then you suddenly feel queasy too. What will you do and in what order?"

I gave my answer within the limited time. To sum it up, I made Rodrigo my last priority. I wondered if it was an analogy of my life and why I was still single. Am I putting love on hold?

I don't like it when people say that I'm single because I'm too busy or I'm career-oriented. People who know me would know that's not true. I play online games and TV shows for a significant amount of time per week. That's how un-busy or un-career-oriented I am. I would make time if any possibility of love would come by.

The closest experience I had similar to the scenario was during my college years. I dated a guy who was in the same grouping I was in for class. I was the group leader. We went out a couple of times. The guy started slacking on his work, then he admits he was doing drugs. I pretty much stopped dating him after that. I honestly don't think it meant I wasn't prioritizing him. He just wasn't what I hoped he would be. He just wasn't for me. Ktnxbye.

Let me just reverse the analogy. God has just been prioritizing other stuff for me.  He knows I need to enjoy things first as a single woman until I'm ready to settle down. Then he will send the perfect guy for me. I just have to wait and see.

Social Media Dating

A few years ago, the closest I've gone to social media dating was when Facebook was fairly new and there was this app where you would be selling your photos. I'm not sure if you would believe me if I said I didn't do it to actually meet people. I was just in a race to raise more money than the other people. I was just happy one time when a cute chef who joined Top Chef a few years back bought one of my photos. Hahaha.

For the past couple of years though, I've been feeling like I've been in a rut in terms of meeting new people. Yes I've met some. Unfortunately most of them were younger than me, but that would need a different post to talk about my nuisances about the age of the guys I date. I've met some who were within the same age range, but either I wasn't interested in them that way, or I was interested in them but it wasn't mutual.

So my friends recently introduced me to the phone app Tinder! For those who haven't encountered Tinder, you log in with your Facebook page and some of your profile pics will be seen by others registered with the app too. You set the radius for the location of the men you want to see along with the age bracket you prefer. Since I'm 32, I was pretty generous in setting my age range from 28 to 40 years old. Might as well broaden my scope. When you view the guys' photos, you can also see if you have common friends and shared interests based on your Facebook profiles. When you see their photo you either click on the heart icon, or the X if you're not interested in them. If he clicks the heart on you, you become a match!

To date I've had 56 matches. But half of those were from those I checked out during my Hong Kong trip over New Years.

Majority of them are foreigners, only a few Filipinos. I've chatted with some of them. A couple have reached the extent that we've exchanged numbers and have added each other in Facebook.

Social media dating is quite a different experience though. For one, you're psychologically protected by your phones. I know there are risks. But in the real world, I wouldn't have had the guts to inform a guy I found him cute. But in Tinder, I didn't hesitate clicking on the heart icon if I felt like it.

Then when it comes to chatting, you haven't seen him personally so you're not sure if he looks anything close to his photos. You can't see even guess what his body language is. You don't know if he's just playing with you. And there's the limitations of chatting in the phone. With the guys I chat with using Whatsapp, I would sometimes wonder why they have replied even if I've seen that the message has been delivered (two checks).

Then I found out one guy I've been chatting with was also chatting with my friend. But I guess you can't really expect the guy to chat with only you since you're also chatting with more than one guy. Then there was this one guy who was cute and said hi. Luckily we had common friends in Facebook. And in just a few clicks I find out he's married and has a kid. WTH.

I don't know if it's even possible for people to actually get to know people in media like this. But hey, it's an interesting experience. You get to learn about different cultures. Practice a bit with small talk. Might as well enjoy the ride.