31 Years of Solitude

My friends know that I've been single for 31 years now.

People have their own interpretations on why that is so: high standards, not going out enough, etc. (Just to make it clear, I don't think I'm ugly. Not gorgeous. But pleasant enough.)

I chatted with an old friend the other day, and she asked me if I finally have a boyfriend. I said no; that there are guys around, but there's just something off about them.

She said that it's good that I'm not settling (for less than what I deserve). I liked that she said that. Because I think that's the reason why.

I was reading one of my chick lit books, and a 40-something playboy was asked why he hasn't settled down yet. He replied, "When I meet someone I enjoy being with more than being alone. I will marry her."

Amen to that.

I've just grown to be independent, that it takes a while for me to get used to people around me.

There's this guy who seems to be interested in me. Last week I saw him with some other friends to watch a movie. We were the first two to arrive. Instead of sitting down somewhere, he said we can just walk around. Walking around the mall, I felt unease. Mainly I guess since I didn't know him well yet. But another reason was that I usually go around malls alone. Sometimes with my mom, or my sister... but usually alone. Then there's this guy who was pretty much an acquaintance still, and I wasn't comfortable walking around with him in the familiar place.

Even the first time he called me too, I felt he was disturbing my peace. (a sign that I wasn't that interested huh).

The past 31 years must have put up walls around me, and I'm afraid it would take a lot of effort for a guy to break into it.

But then again, maybe if I was equally interested in the guy, I would lower them for him.