non-dates.

I've been meaning to write about this for a while now. It came about when I met up with some old friends and I remember I had a non-date with one of them a few years back. I remember because it's one of the best non-dates I've ever been to. (Not that I have been to many). But it's connected to some other non-dates I've been to recently. And about to have. But before that, here's some background.

Urbandictionary.com gives colorful definitions to non-date:

When a single heterosexual male and his single heterosexual female friend go out somewhere (a movie, dinner, etc.).

The male is interested in dating the female but hasn't worked up the courage to tell her yet.

The female thinks they are going as friends.

Guy #1: How did your date with Tina go yesterday?
Guy #2: Oh, it was a nondate since she thought more people were coming.

I was laughing reading this especially with Guy#2's remark. But I think the line that's most important is the one that says the female thinks they are going as friends.

Which is true in my case. I've been to four non-dates so far. With three different guys. (Now that I write this I'm wondering about those two non-dates with that one guy...)

NON-DATE # 1

I met up with a former officemate who happened to be in Singapore when I was visting. Living in Singapore, "meeting up" was such a common thing among Filipinos. You meet up with visiting friends, friends of friends, etc. There wasn't any meaning with any of those meet ups. It was just one way to pass time and make life a tad more interesting.

I agreed to meet up with this guy. It was just dinner and walking around the city. I even remembered that since it was at the tail end of my Singapore trip I only had $10 left with me. And thank God the guy offered to pay for dinner. But that's not the point. That didn't make it one of the best non-dates I've been to. I just remembered the really good conversation. I just remembered riding the bus back that evening, thinking I had a rather pleasant night.

But it wasn't the kilig type of pleasant. It was just time well spent, catching up with an old friend. I don't know if the guy was ever interested in me. It doesn't matter anyway.


NON-DATE # 2

This one was a couple years back. I was asking some friends who wanted to watch this certain concert with me. One guy wanted to watch too, no one else did. I have to admit I hesitated then because I knew a few years back he was interested in me. But during our past conversations, he kept on saying he was going to set me up with one of his friends. So I erased any thoughts that he was still interested in me. And I was glad that we have become purely platonic.

But it didn't end well. After that the guy thought he had a chance with me. Two years later it just isn't the same. We're just civil towards each other. What a pity.


NON-DATES # 3 and #4

I grouped this because it's with the same guy and happened recently.

The first non-date with him, we were going to meet up with a couple other classmates at this bar. It seemed very harmless to me. What's so unusual about meeting up with common friends?

The second time, he asked me if I wanted to watch this movie. This was after our class. While waiting for the movie we had dinner. He paid for both. I offered to pay my share, really. But I did pay for the milk tea to bring in to the cinema.

The guy's intentions are still questionable. This has been part of my conversations with a couple of good friends. But we never really came up with a conclusion.

One minute I think it's purely platonic. The second I think maybe he's interested. But for the record, I prefer that it's the former.

Does it mean anything when the guy buys you dinner and treats you to the movies? Or is he just being generous?

Or is it me being dense here? Or instead of being dense, am I trying to convince myself and everyone that it doesn't mean anything since I don't want it to?

But as my other friend said, just go out. There's no harm. I just hope I'm not leading anyone on.