Jaded

I read a quote on twitter yesterday. I couldn't remember the exact words, but it pretty much said not to attach yourself too much to anyone or else you'll just get disappointed. The second right after I read it, I was thinking "There's something wrong here." But when I thought about it further, maybe there's truth to it.

I couldn't name anyone who is my "best friend". I never had one.

Even during my grade school and high school years, I flitted in and out of barkadas (peer groups) because I couldn't fully identify myself with any of them.

In college where I was in the state university, I felt I belonged more, but I wasn't attached to anyone. I had close friends, but I didn't plan my days with them. I was still doing things independently.

There are only a few people now I can talk to about personal stuff, but it still varies. I have someone to talk about MBA stuff, someone to talk about other stuff, etc.

There has been one girl who's been the closest to what I would identify as a "best friend". We don't call each other that, but I could talk to her about a lot of stuff. She's a good listener. I guess that's why I gravitated to her whenever I had stories or problems. But she's just a very social person, and has a lot of people she talks to.

I just can't help but feel hurt if she forgets some of the stuff I've told her (even major ones). Yes, a priest can forget about my confessions, but not one of the person who I've considered one of my closest friends.

I don't know if I have high expectations, but maybe I really have to work on my expectations with people. I just hate getting disappointed.

It's All About Mystery

Most of us are drawn to someone because of their sense of mystery. I guess we all have curious minds or want a challenge to break into someone's mind.

I'm semi--crushing on someone because he's mysterious, and I'm naturally curious about what he's thinking or what he's going to do next.

Isn't that why Edward Cullen was attracted to Bella Swan in the first place? Because he can read everyone's mind but hers.

Unfortunately, I'm an open book. My face speaks volumes. I don't want to force myself to become mysterious when that's not me. So I don't really know how I can match up with someone who's naturally mysterious.

Dangerous Grounds

There's this guy who's my classmate the second time around. He's been quite friendly since the first class we shared. He's said things before like "Let's have coffee" or "Hope we become classmates again."

But the thing is, he has a girlfriend. So I don't know if he's just being friendly or I have to watch out.

Lately during class, since we sit at opposite ends of the room, he’d text me. I guess it’s the modern-age passing of notes. They’re just friendly texts. Then on my birthday he greeted me and said he’d treat me out. I didn’t really think about it much.

Last night during class he texted  “Snow White’s showing already unless you despise Bella Swan.” So I replied that even if I didn’t like Kristen Stewart, come on, it’s THOR! Our conversation was cut short when the professor announced we had a seatwork that would run until 9 in the evening. He texted again saying he thought we would be dismissed early.

I finished my seatwork a little before 9 and left immediately. It was a rainy Friday night, I wanted a head start.

It was almost 10 when I got another text from him, saying that I have a safe trip home. (I was already home by then), and he commented I left the class so fast. I replied that I didn’t want to spend any more time than necessary in school on a Friday night. Then he replied “I wanted to ask if you wanted to watch Snow White.”

Oops. I just gave a flippant reply, but it left me wondering.

If he asked me before I left class I think I would have been tempted to say yes if he asked me. Does it mean anything if a guy asks a girl out to a movie? But who knows, it might have been with a group?

But good thing he didn’t ask in time. Maybe I should stay clear. Just being friendly or not, I want to respect his relationship with his girlfriend. God help me.